Six years have gone by quickly, and yet the days (and nights) have been so long. Since I last wrote anything here my life has changed dramatically. The only way I can describe it is that 4 years ago the rug was pulled out from under me, I found there was no floor under it, and there was no one to catch me when I started falling. Let me clarify the vagueness. The rug was my life. Thirty-eight years of a good, strong marriage. Three adult sons who married women who love them as much as I do, five precious grandchildren who called me Me-mere (Canadian French for grandma), and fifty years of a supportive church family. That was suddenly pulled out from under me when my husband decided he didn’t want to be married to me anymore. No other woman; just was tired of putting up with me (that’s for another post). The floor was people I believed would support me, and there was no one to catch me, because no one wanted to get involved.

Now I live with a friend because I can’t afford rent, I’ve sold my car, and every earthly thing I own is in a 12×12 bedroom. However, what has been most painful is that my sons won’t talk with me, and I don’t get to see my grandchildren. How did I get here?! I hope to answer that in following posts. For now, I just want to start writing again. I have questioned many things I thought I believed, or maybe I just simplified things to make them easy to believe. The circumstances of my life over the past few years have demanded I question those beliefs. Spoiler: I have found God to me more faithful than I could have imagined. I have gotten to know Jesus in a way that I didn’t, and maybe couldn’t have known Him for most of my adult life.
It feels so vulnerable to put this out into a public space where some people can easily criticize, judge, and condemn. At the same time, I believe there are many hurting people who need to hear the things I have to say, and those people are worth the risk of vulnerability.

Brene Brown has said, “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.” Today I’ve chosen to be brave.